I board the M7 bus heading uptown at W 72nd Street. The bus is crowded and I find an empty seat towards the back of the bus. There is a mother and son sitting in the middle of the long row of seats at the very back of the bus. I have a seat at the end of one of the two rows of seats along the sides of the bus. The mother (who bears a passing resemblance to Susan Sarandon) is munching on a sandwich while her son (who is about 3 or 4) is eating yogurt from one of those small plastic tubs.

Son: Mum, is it about 12 stops before we get there?
Mum (pondering): I’m not sure. Let me see…yes, that’s about right.

I think to myself: You are getting off at about 96th Street because the M7 stops about every 2 blocks along Amsterdam Ave.

Son: Mum, have I been on the M7?
Mum: You are on the M7.
Son: Mum, have I been on the M11.
Mum: Yes.
Son: Have I been on the M60?
Mum: I don’t think you have, I don’t know where the M60 runs. (Actually the M60 runs up Amsterdam Ave, turns right at W125 St and heads all the way to La Guardia airport in the Bronx)
Son: Have I been on the M5?
Mum: No, you haven’t but we can ride the M5 down Riverside Drive one day.
Son: Have I been on the…
Mum (interrupts him with unconcealed glee): I know you are going to ask if you have been on the M104. Yes, you have. It runs along Broadway.
Son: Have I been on the M86?
Mum: M86? I don’t think so, but it sounds like a cross-town bus…I will google it when we get home. Raffy, don’t eat the yogurt off your shirt. I’ve told you if you drop it you just leave it there. And eat the last bit in the bottom of the tub, it is messy when I have to carry it off the bus.
Son: Have I been on the MW?
Mum (getting a little exasperated): There is no such thing as the MW! Now Raffy, enough with the questions. Let’s have some quiet time so we can relax and enjoy the bus ride.
Son (almost immediately): What is the highest street in New York? Is it 1000th St?
Mum: I don’t think there is a 1000th St. But, are you talking about New York or Manhattan?
Son: New York. What is the highest street in the Bronx? Is there a 1000th St?
Mum: I don’t think there is a 1000th St in the Bronx. (There isn’t)
Son: What is the lowest street in New York? Is it minus?
Mum: There’s no minus street. But minus is negative.
Son: Is negative also minus?
Mum: Yes.
The kid starts kicking my leg.
Mum: Now, Raffy stop kicking the man’s leg, you’ll dirty his trousers. Now, pay attention. What did I say? Say it?
Son: Don’t kick the man’s leg.
Mum: Good. Now let’s have some quiet time.
Son (almost immediately): Have I been to Westchester?
Mum: Yes, you’ve been to Westchester. Remember, we went there and you were in the stroller?
Son: Where is Eastchester?
Mum: I don’t know there is an Eastchester.Your father had a good friend who lived in Westchester. I can’t remember his name. (Actually, there is a town called Eastchester in Westchester County)
Son: Is he still alive?
Mum: I was afraid you’d bring that up and I didn’t want to go there. Actually, your father’s friend died climbing a mountain. He got lost and froze to death. When you go scuba diving you always make sure you have a buddy with you. When you go mountain climbing you also bring a buddy. He was a smart man but on this day he didn’t exercise proper judgement.
Son: And on the next day?
Mum: They sent out a search party and found him. Raffy, we are getting off at the next stop so enough questions for the moment. Great, we are only 15 minutes late.

We make eye contact as she stands up to leave the bus. I smile at her and say: “Thanks for the information on New York”.

She rolls her eyes, sighs and replies “I got him an atlas the other day and now I have to learn the answers to all his questions!”